The Random Thoughts of an Ordinary Guy – The Pillars of Relationships

The Random Thoughts of an Ordinary Guy – The Pillars of Relationships

Something which has stuck with me since my senior secondary school days was what my Christian Religious Knowledge teacher told us in class. I can’t remember her name, but what she told us had stayed with me. She said, “In every friendship, there’s always one of the two – or more – who’s holding the relationship up, preventing it from crashing because he or she loves more, supports more, gets bashed more, forgives more and sacrifices more, etc. than the other for the friendship to continue”.

I have come to discover this is also true for every form of relationships: friendships, marriages, romantic relationships, father and child relationships, sibling relationships, or extended family relationships, and so on.

The ones who hold these relationships up aren’t stupid, they’re simply just good natured and happen to love more. If you’re that one, never relent. Just keep being that good friend, good spouse, good lover, good sibling, good relation. It’s just the way it is. It’s one of those crazy things in life. The other person may not even know what they are doing. They may have no idea they are taking the relationship for granted.

It’s possible they don’t know how to love or care more than they do, even though they are putting their spouses, their partners, their friends and relations through hell. They are probably damaged.  You can never know. They say you can’t give what you don’t have. That may be the case in these situations.

For those who give less – not just less, but less than ideal – because of the dynamics, or whatever of the relationship. You could check yourself and start acting right and doing your best to give more in your relationships.

The ones holding up the relationships are not stupid. If you’re not putting in the effort to become a more committed friend, spouse, lover, sibling, or relation, then you’re TOXIC. If you refuse to step up your game, the other person may just get tired, stop trying hard and probably walk out of the relationship.

As an aside, a personal advice really, It’s best to be the one who loves the least and makes the least effort to do so in any relationship. This is because, if you’re the one who loves the most then you’re going to get hurt the most in every situation whether if it’s a disagreement, a quarrel, or worst case scenario, a separation if it’s a romantic relationship or marriage – that’s one of the worst hells anyone could end up in. Trust me, I know.

The reason why those who love the most hurt the most is because, those who know how to love, they love with everything. They love the other person with every cell in their body because that’s the only way they know how. It’s everything. Body, soul and spirit or nothing else. There’s no half measure to loving for them. It’s foolish, I know, especially when they love the wrong person. This is an example of the kind of selfless love God has for us.

Jesus, a God, who created the world, had to leave heaven, come down to earth as a human, served and respected his creations, suffered at the hands of his creations, was brutally executed like a common criminal by his creations even though he didn’t commit any crime. He subjected himself to all of these terrible treatments so he could save them by substituting his life for theirs. That’s the ultimate love. The Agape Love.

So, if you give anything remotely close to such selfless love, just know you’re like your Creator, Jesus. Because, God is love.


By Oluwaseyi Olusanya

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